The Healing Power of Kindness: Why Helping Others Helps You Too
By Deb McGarvey
November can feel like the start of a marathon. As soon as October ends, we officially head into The Holidays, and from Thanksgiving through New Year’s, family and social interactions abound. Family traditions, seeing relatives we haven’t been with for a while, and sharing food and conversation can be lovely, fun, and nurturing. It can also be tense, challenging, even painful. We may have challenging family relationships or feel the loss of someone who’s no longer with us.
Sometimes it feels like being on a roller coaster, rushing headlong into swoops and turns and upside down loops. Thanksgiving can also be a culturally complicated holiday. At the same time, it can remind us to take a moment to be thoughtful about what we have to be grateful for in our lives.
November also brings World Kindness Day, which is celebrated on November 13. At a time when there is a great deal of conflict in our world, in our communities, and possibly even within our families, kindness can be a balm. Acts of kindness, large and small, can have a meaningful impact that lasts beyond the act itself. And kindness doesn’t only have a positive effect on those who receive kindness; it helps the giver as well. Kindness has been shown to have benefits for both mental health and physical health, from increased self-esteem and feelings of well-being to lower blood pressure. Showing kindness to ourselves also has many positive benefits. Holidays can bring stress due to family conflict, grief, or other challenges. If you aren’t unequivocally joyful at this time of year, you are not alone. Being kind to ourselves can look like turning down invitations when it’s best for us, taking days off when we can, asking for what we need from our family and friends, and doing the things that feel nurturing to us, whether watching a favorite movie, listening to music, or getting some exercise.
In this season of buying gifts and visiting family, cleaning our homes and making festive meals, we can feel rushed and overwhelmed. Slowing down to notice what we are grateful for, or to be kind to others or ourselves, can help us be more present and enjoy the season.
So if you feel rushed or overwhelmed, try this quick mindful moment to slow yourself down. First notice your breathing. Is it fast or slow? Shallow or deep? If you can, close your eyes. Breathe in while you count 1-2-3-4. Hold while counting 4. And breathe out while counting 6 or 8. Do this three times, then open your eyes. Take a couple of additional normal breaths before getting on with your day.
If you’d like ideas for getting started with a kindness practice, check out this program from the Mayo Clinic called Kickstart Kindness. For a gratitude practice, take a look at this article from Positive Psychology on Gratitude Exercises and Activities.
